Infertility symbols/colors and such

http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html.

I found this on her website, and instead of rewriting it in her words, I will link it to here and paste for others to see. Thank you for helping to raise awareness.

The History of Infertility's Common Thread

by Lollipop Goldstein

For anyone who has experienced infertility or who is currently experiencing infertility. For anyone who has suffered through pregnancy loss. For those who have conceived naturally, utilized treatments, adopted, used third-party reproduction, or chose to live child-free: a movement.
It all began when Paz lamented that there should be a secret handshake for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing infertility. She was finally pregnant after multiple miscarriages and she wanted infertile women to know when looking at her pregnant belly that she was one of them still–in heart and mind. She was open to questions and to passing along any information she had obtained along the way.
This led to a lengthy discussion about a signal we could give one another as well as a tangible object that would invite questions and subsequently discussion about infertility. The conversation jumped from idea to idea–a pomegranate-shaped charm, a Livestrong-esque bracelet–until it finally settled on a simple thread.
With the idea being that it was an item that was easy to obtain no matter where you lived. It posed a minimal cost. It could be ornamented or braided any way the wearer chose. It could be sent through the mail. It was simple. It was discreet. We picked the embroidery floss #814 because it was the colour of pomegranates. Which was one of the fertility symbols considered along the way.
Royalyne stepped forward and got the ball rolling with a write up that we tweaked until it became this statement:
Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.
In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.
The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.

Paz also created a write up that people could place on blogs, bulletin boards, and email forwards:
For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile…there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It’s rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

As someone who has had 5 m/c but am currently 5 months pregnant (YEAH), I wonder who looks at my big belly with sadness because they are in the month-to-month struggle. I mentioned to a friend that I wished there was some secret nod or international sign as if to say, this belly was hardwon. Well, she posted this quandary on her blog (http://www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/) and the response has been quite overwhelming…and a movement has been born!

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasingthis pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others. Just thought I would pass the word along!

Lastly, we have a graphic people can add to their side bars in order to get the word out (and create a link to this post or a similar one so people understand what Infertility’s Common Thread is about). Feel free to take and place on your blog or create your own in order to get the word out to others:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4171/3241/200/Thread.2.jpg
and please add a link back to this post: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html.

Cheesecake Crescent Rolls

Another facebook find, this is what was for dessert this evening and I remembered to take pictures! :) 

Cheesecake Crescent Rolls

2 cans of Pillsbury Crescent rolls
2 (8oz each) package cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup butter, melted
cinnamon
sugar

Unroll and spread 1 of the cans of crescent rolls on the bottom of a 9 x 13 baking dish (or 8 x 8 if you want to cut the recipe in half). Combine softened cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, and vanilla. Spread over crescent roll layer. Unroll and layer remaining crescent rolls over cream cheese layer. Melt your butter and spread over top of crescent rolls. Sprinkle generously with cinnamon and sugar.

Bake for 20-30 minutes in 350 degree oven until bubbly and slightly browned. Let cool a bit, slice and eat.

We ate ours still slightly warm. OMG it was glorious!

Creamy Burrito Casserole

This was found on Facebook. I don't know who the original poster was but we thought we would give it a try with the neighbors for dinner last night. I was so hungry I forgot to take pictures but from a 9x13" pan, there was only 2 squares left which my parents were lucky enough to enjoy! So next time I make it, pictures will be taken for sure! But everyone who had it seemed to enjoy it! 

Creamy Burrito Casserole

1 lb ground beef
1/2 medium onion chopped
1 package of taco seasoning
6 large flour tortillas (I used 8)
1 can refried beans
3-4 cups shredded Colby Jack cheese
1 can cream of mushroom soup
4 ounces sour cream
a little hot sauce if you want spicy

Brown ground meat and onion, drain if necessary. Add taco seasoning and mix in refried beans. Mix sour cream and soup in separate bowl. Spread 1/2 of soup mixture in casserole dish. Tear up 3 (I used 4 torn into quarter size pieces) tortillas and spread over soup mixture. Put 1/2 of meat mixture over tortillas. Add a layer of cheese and then add hot sauce if you are using it. Repeat layers. Then sprinkle cheese over top and bake uncovered 20-30 minutes at 350 degrees.
Definitely make sure you have enough meat for the top layer otherwise your tortillas will get a lot of heat and be extra crunchy. We used 4 cups of cheese because we like things cheesy. 

The original creator of this recipe, also made the casserole the night before and refrigerated it before cooking it before they ate. They think that worked well but it needed the full 30 minutes to warm up (even after we had let it sit out awhile to try to get to room temperature).

Dark places & Silver linings

Many times by many people, I am asked, "How do you stay so positive about this journey?" I never know how to answer that question. We have always gone on our journey being cautiously hopeful. It is our standard answer when someone says you must be so excited and full of hope. We usually smile (which is prolly why we get in trouble) and say no, we are cautiously hopeful. Don't get me wrong, there is always the excitement there but the fear is there too. We have tried to keep a balance. With the bad things we have to find our silver lining.

When the call comes, it comes to my cell phone. The two week wait has nothing on the pregnancy test phone call. I have to be in for blood test between 7:30-9am and then the call doesn't come till after 2pm. IT. IS. HORRID. Our IVF nurse is always so positive when she starts out and I can immediately tell what the news is just by how she says hello. The call goes like this... everytime...
Me: Hello?
Nurse: Hi Loren, (tone goes deeper) Its _(Anonymous)___ at RGI.
Me: Hi __________, How are we doing today?
Nurse: I'm afraid its not good news. I'm so sorry. You need to stop progesterone & estrogen. Your period will start in the next 3-5 days and you will need to start your birth control pills. We need to pick your follow up date, how does _____ work for you?

Yeah. I can handle that. What I can't handle is holding on to this knowledge and keeping it from everyone until I can tell Mike. Who doesn't want to know, mind you, until he is home from work. By the time he makes it up the stairs from the garage the waterworks have started and its all I can do to look him in the eyes and apologize. After 5-10 minutes of hugging it out and crying together (real men cry!) its time to inform the rents on both sides. Simultaneous text messages are sent. Mike and I then hunker down, have a quiet dinner together and finish out our evening routine.

We point out the silver lining before bed to each other, "well, the silver lining is we get to reconnect. More cupcakes are in order" (For those who can't read between the lines, that is sex. And lots of it. Bet you like that picture.) Because you see, when the IVF cycle starts, it eventually hinders that aspect of your relationship and things become uncomfortable. Then you get doctors orders for no sex until after the "positive blood test" as they like to say it. That's at least two and a half weeks of no sex. Yep, lets round up to 3 weeks just to cover our bases! Its also very hard leading up to that forced break period, to feel sexy when you have to shove pills places that they regularly should not be, have plastic patches all over your butt and welts on the spots that they were two days before on the other side, numbing, tingling, and pain from injection sights, and lets not forget about the bruising from other injection sights. Yep, that right there is pure SEXY as HELL! And everyone loves a man at work that ain't gettin' any. They can be down right moody and intolerable. (I love you honey! You aren't like that at all!)

This last time was harder for us. Being that we have two snowflakes left before either a fresh cycle, genetic testing, donor egg, or surrogate has to be looked at a bit closer, puts a new spin on things. Ever look up and see how much a surrogate through an agency costs? Sticker shock for a car ain't got nothin' on that! (For those who need an idea it is in the area of $100,000.00 and up.) There is a reason that India is the leading surrogate country... they are known for their "rent a womb" and it is only $30,000.00. Sheesh! Depression and anxiety has swamped me and sleeping has been difficult. I don't want to leave the house let alone bed in the morning. It is hard to describe what exactly is gong on. Between detoxing from all the IVF drugs with all the side effects that come with that, I also had a menses to get through and start up the birth control again with its lovely crappy side effects. Most of what I am feeling I have felt every time we have had to go through this, however, this time I didn't fight them as hard as usual. I have eaten some comfort food, I have sat on the couch and mourned, I have cried myself to sleep at 2 in the morning due to exhaustion and not being able to come up with a resolvable answer.

It has taken me a week to get to a reasonable place and find the silver lining. To figure out what I need to do, to be able to move forward and tackle what lies ahead on the rest of this journey. I know one this is more exercise and see if I can't knock off some of the weight I have gained from being on limited/restricted movement since we started this leg of the journey one year ago come April. So the elliptical has beaten me up the last few days and just walking is challenging at times. We have plans to camp in the coming weeks and then it will be time for bikes to emerge from the garage and kayaks to deploy from the rafters. So in shape we will get starting soon. I have a call in to a personal trainer because sometimes I need the motivation of someone yelling at me not taking excuses and busting my butt. I also have some feelers out for a chiropractor in our area. Hey, anything can help now... right?

Am I through second guessing everything I am doing? No not yet. Do I need to feel sorry for the path that we have been given? No. So long as Mike and I stand together and are on the same page, we will continue to be a united front and move forward. Will we have to plaster a smile on our faces when we really aren't feeling it?  Most likely. Hell, its gotten us this far. So long as we can lean on each other and work together to get the results we want, we will be okay. If one of us chooses to stop this process and just be "us" than so be it as well. Hey, positive side of that is more money for more trips and fun things. :)

When will we start our next round? Who knows since we really don't either. But we plan to enjoy the forced month off before we can consider trying again even if we have to deal with the pills that give me horrid headaches, body aches, fatigue, lack of appetite, mood swings, lack of libido, and frequent trips to the bathroom. Now that spring is here in all her wintery glory, we know that it is almost time for camping season, biking, hiking, dock diving, and kayaking. For those are all things we enjoy doing together and can focus on each other, our health, and our furbabies. Besides, we get to reunite with some of our silver family whom we only get to spend time with between April and December! Bring on the glamping!

IVF #5 Transfer Part 2

So if you have been keeping up, you know we have added acupuncture to this cycle. The day of transfer we went well. The drugs were kicking in as soon as we got there so I was happy. While Mike got to take a potty stop, I launched two pennies into the fountain that seems to be a coin collection at this point. Hey, it can't hurt right? We still needed lunch for later since we had acupuncture right after transfer. Tada! Subway is on the ground floor and it smelled YUMMY. So we quick grabbed a foot long we could both eat and walked it to the truck for safe keeping for the drive half way home. We have been dealing with a progesterone issue the last few cycles so we asked to speak to the IVF nurse. Michelle came out and I explained the first sized hard lumps from the injections and no amount of massaging or heat has helped. She went off to discuss with the doctor while I was escorted back to get undressed and Mike to get dressed. Ha!

So once we are dressed, the Embryologist Alex comes in and discusses how the snow babies are looking since they have been thawing all morning long. Then they give us pictures! This shows once the thawing process begins, then the expansion comes as they are completely thawed. The change they made with this round is they did assisted hatching, which has not been done before. Assisted hatching – Another micromanipulation technique, assisted hatching helps the embryo successfully implant in the uterus by microscopically removing a section of the embryo’s outer “shell” before transfer.

 Michelle joined us again and said NO MORE INJECTIONS!!! Although, she presented me with a purple gift bag of goodies. My new progesterone. Cream suppository every morning till positive preggo test. Oh boy. So Mike added it to our locker of goodies.
So then with my blanket wrapped around me, since otherwise my butt would be hanging out... I waddle (yes waddle, because I am so loopy walking is assisted) into the procedure room. Here we sit and wait for our RE. Alex then goes to let Dr. M know we are all set and once he enters everything happens fairly quick. I will spare you the fun details (yes that was sarcasm) but while gazing up into the swirling blue and purples on the ceiling, I try to find a happy place. The procedure doesn't hurt at all, its just uncomfortable because I have had to keep 16oz of water inside with no release for an hour. That is not an easy task. With Mike holding my hand he keeps me grounded as everything moves around us. with the cleaning and catheter insertion using the external ultrasound for perfect placement. Then comes the first view of our snow babies. I am told to watch the tv screen and they show us the petry dish with my last name and birth date on it. I confirm it is ours and they zoom in. REALLY CLOSE. Then we get to watch as thy suck up the two snow babies into a tube that is then brought into our room. Again using the external ultrasound they watch as the tube with snow babies is inserted and snow babies are pushed out of the end. It looks like little flashes as they exit the tube on the ultrasound screen. Its kinda neat that Mike and I get to watch the entire procedure and they talk us through it and what to watch for when stuff is happening on the screen.Once complete, I get sat up and a pat on the shoulder and told to stand slowly (with help of course.) Then Alex checks the restroom and wraps me in the blanket and off I waddle down the hall on Mike's arm to release my poor little bladder. WOOT! Then it is off to change back in to comfy clothes and then to be wheeled to the truck in a wheel chair. I laid the seat down for awhile and put my feet up on the dashboard and relaxed. After about 20 minutes I couldn't stand it any more. Subway was calling me from the backseat and I ate half of it. Acupuncture... was... interesting... I slept pretty good through most of it, at least that is what I hear. Ha! Then it was home to our comfy new couch! And there I have been for 72 hours. The first 24 are the easiest. Don't move much, lay flat, only sit up to eat and drink. Potty trips are allowed but no more than that. By the end of day one I am sore. My back is horrible from being flat and not moving. (Dr. M says bedrest for the remainder of the day, the day of the transfer, and then I can begin normal activities within reason.) However, our plan this time was a 72 hour rest even though we knew it was going to be HORRID on me since I am a mover and shaker. Haha!
Begin 48 hours, I can move more no lifting no bending no stretching no stairs. Wednesday same thing but a little more activity. Big outing of the day... taking my daddy with me to IGA for milk for Mikey and pineapple for me. Then it was back to the couch. During these few days of rest especially Monday, the cramping began. Sharp pains every so often but mostly dull roar.  Now this could either be progesterone side effects or it could be implantation. This is the first time for the cramping, bloating, and soreness to start in this early. It usually doesn't start till 8 days later. Who knows but fingers crossed it is implantation. So onward with the cream and the estrogen patches!

I am calling Dr. T to schedule another acupuncture session for Monday. Hopefully that will keep me relaxed. I have been doing my homework from her, so I am hoping that it will boost the relaxation as well.

No stress now! Blood test on the 14th!

Here is a reminder of our IVF team:

North Coast Natural Health and Acupuncture
Reproductive Gynecology Inc.

You can also follow them on Facebook! Check them out!
RGI

So cramping got worse the 11th, and the bleeding continued to get worse, called doc, he said not to worry about it continue as planned. So today is the 14th. Bleeding got worse last night and today is just like one of my regular flow days. Lovely. I am guessing at this point we are a negative but on doctors orders, I will not be peeing on a stick. Off for blood test this am as scheduled.

Results: BFN. So much for round #4. Will do consult on Monday and see what he suggests for our next step. May be looking a little harder into egg donor or surrogacy. May take the summer off to spend camping and enjoying the summer.

Update from consult: No clue as to why they aren't sticking. Use the 2 snowbabies for one more cycle using a different type of progesterone and monitor it closer for absorbtion. Then do a fresh cycle and do embryo genetics test to rule out abnormal embryos. Proceed with donor egg if abnormal.