Adoption is not failure, but when it does...

This has been a difficult entry to write. I had to wait for emotions to get out of the way and be able to function before I could even focus on this.

The adoption of our little boy to be born the end of January has failed. The birth mom decided to parent. We wish this family and little boy nothing but the best and our prayers are with them as this baby will have a hard journey ahead of him.

In our adoption journey we spent alot of time preparing to accept a baby into our home. We climb numerous piles of paperwork, spend countless hours praying and hoping, do more paperwork, welcome strangers into our home to judge us and inspect our home to make sure it is suitable to house a child, pay lots of $$$$$$ to cover birth mom expenses, yet more paper work, pay massive amounts of money, and then there is long wait period to then have nothing to show for it. I used the time after the phone call saying not to come for unpacking the car. I found it difficult but it helped make it a reality that we were not going to be driving 16.5 hours south to warmer weather and return in 14 days with our own bundle of joy. Everything including our luggage was put in the nursery and I closed the door and waited for hubby to get home. We talked, we cried, we mourned together. Neither of us wanted to make the call to either set of parents. We didn't want to make them grieve. Letting the hopeful friends and family who had supported us and were just as excited as we were was tough as well. IT.WAS.HARD. I wish that upon no one. Ever. When we signed up for this, we recognized it was a possibility she may change her mind, but right up till the end she was 100% on board or so we thought. The agency was even blind sided by her change of heart. The door to the nursery stayed closed for a full week, the adoption account sits empty (no, money does not get returned so we are out everything we had saved) and we are back to waiting and hoping praying for a miracle.

They say a failed adoption is worse than the death of a newborn. I am by no means comparing that, however with a physical death there is a closure that one does not get when there is no baby to bring home to the copious amount of clothes, toys, and baby stuff, to hold, to mourn over.

So where do we go from here...
Well, we are back to square one. We are on a "drop in" or "short list" now. Meaning we will not have a long wait period we are willing to sit on. We will get a call once the birth mom has terminated rights. We will have 10 minutes to discuss and decided yes or no. Then we hurry up, pack the car and go to where ever they tell us we need to be to pick up our baby. We hope it wont be a long wait, but during this time we will be stashing as much as we can back into our adoption account so we can have something ready for when we get that call. If you win the lottery and would like to share, we hope you will remember us and we promise if you donate $40k to our cause we will let you name our baby! For now, we will focus on the silver lining, as always, and continue to put one foot in front of the other. We thank all of you for your continued support, friendship, encouragement, and thoughts. Especially thank you to both sets of our parents and those who gave up their own time to sit with us, pray with & for us, and send positive energy our way as we experienced the worst of our grief and continue to support us while we forge ahead.


 For a better understanding I felt it was easier (I'm being lazy here) and share stina's blog post than for me to reiterate everything said here. It is a long read but well worth the read: Please click here